Anders' Blog



Codependency and Selfishness

May 20, 2017

"I care too much" is a phrase I hear frequently in my practice.  But listening to their stories, I realized that this isn't really what they were saying.  It's sad to think there is a limit to how much you can care for or love another person.  So I argue that it's not possible to care too much.  However, it is possible to not care enough about yourself.   ​(click to read more...coming soon)

To Avoid Broken Promises, Don't Make Any!

May 20, 2017

Another idea that I teach is that a promise is a reflection of a person's feelings and intentions at the moment they make those reassurances. But people change, and promises are hard to keep. However, we want assurance  of the future, and want to be able to trust the words people use. In this writing, I will teach you a more powerful way to help your partner feel secure without using the words "I promise."    ​(click to read more...coming soon)

Relationship Rules

May 20, 2017

Relationships are hard! There seem to be so many rules to live by when you are part of a couple. Let me simplify it for you.  ​(click to read more)

I Will Take You For Granted

May 20, 2017

One of the most honest phrases you can say to your new partner is "I will take you for granted." You can't avoid it because this is how a normal brain works. It's natural to ignore things that don't need our immediate attention, but to be in a healthy relationship, you need to learn to be supernatural.    ​(click to read more)

I'm Sorry

May 20, 2017

When discussing some of the things people should not do in a relationship, couples are surprised when I advise them not to use the words "I'm sorry." What does it really mean to apologize? This blog explains why those words aren't very effective and how to be more thoughtful in expressing apologies.

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Relationships and Classic Cars

May 20, 2017

Relationships are like classic cars. They have to be maintained daily.   ​(read more)

Fighting (Round 1)

June 28, 2017

When I ask couples what they fight about, most of the time they say something like "we always fight over stupid little things." Then, they are very eager to share with me all the little details about their scuffles, usually each one trying to persuade me why they are right and why the other is wrong.    ​(click to read more)

The Last Push

May 20, 2017

Your partner and family are the most important people in your life. So why then do they get short-changed when it comes to your energy and attention?  ​(click to read more)

Trust....Given, not Earned?

May 20, 2017

I have heard many stories in my work as a couples counselor that has made me rethink what it means to trust someone. I hope this different point of view will also challenge your ideas and help you to gain the trust you want in a relationship.    ​(click to read more)

The Dance of Communication

May 20, 2017

Lessons from basic dance hall etiquette can help improve the effectiveness of communication.  ​(click to read more)

Connection vs. Communication (Part 1)

June 15, 2017

I initially became a therapist because I wanted to teach couples how to communicate more effectively. Over many years of analyzing the relationships of those around me, as well as my own, I discovered that communication was one of the primary problems people face, whether those relationships are personal or business. (read more)

See Something?  Say Something!

May 20, 2017

People in relationships want to be seen, be recognized for their efforts, to be appreciated.      ​(coming soon)

Blog Introduction

May 20, 2017

The purpose of this blog is to fill in some pieces of a larger puzzle. Many books and blogs exist to spread the wisdom of what makes happy and healthy relationships. Books on conflict resolution, emotional attachment, and communication flood the bookstores. Blogs inform web surfers how to avoid destructive relationship myths and establish healthy habits. So what can I add to this vast sea of knowledge that hasn't already been said?      ​(click to read more)